ConundrumsTricky choices to talk about

You need: A soft ball

1. Sit on the floor opposite your toddler, or with another child, with the ball between you.
2. Roll the ball and say, “My turn.” Roll it to your toddler and say, “Your turn.”
3. Wait a moment, with a smile, while they decide what to do with it.
4. Cheer each roll, and stop before anyone is tired.

“My turn. Your turn. Round and round.”

You need: Two soft toys or two cups

1. Hold up two items, one in each hand, and name them.
2. Say, “Which one do you want?” and wait.
3. Give them the one they choose, and say what they chose.
4. If they are not sure, say, “It is okay to take your time,” and offer again later.

“Two choices. You chose the blue one. Good choosing.”

You need: A soft toy and a cushion

1. Let the toy accidentally bump the cushion and fall. Say, “Oops!”
2. Say, “Teddy made a mistake. Teddy says sorry,” and make the toy pat the cushion.
3. Put the cushion right, and give the toy a hug.
4. Invite your toddler to help fix the next small mistake.

“Oops. Sorry. Let us fix it together.”

You need: Two puppets or soft toys, and one pretend toy

1. Let two puppets both want the one toy. Say, “Oh dear. What can they do?”
2. Ask your child how each puppet feels, using the Five Feelings words.
3. Ask for ideas: take turns, play together, use a timer. Try out each idea with the puppets.
4. Say, “Lots of ideas can work,” and thank your child for helping.

“Two puppets, one toy. What could they do?”

You need: Some floor space

1. Say a very small conundrum: “Teddy found a shiny stone. Should Teddy keep it or give it to a friend?”
2. Point to the left side of the room for “keep” and the right side for “give.”
3. Let children walk to a side. Ask one child on each side, “Why did you pick this side?”
4. Say, “Some of us think one thing and some think another. Both are okay.”

“Left or right? Tell me why you chose this side.”

You need: Paper and a crayon

1. Draw a swing and two stick figures who both want the last turn.
2. Ask what each might feel, and let your child add faces to the drawing.
3. Ask, “What could be fair?” and write down each idea, such as counting, taking turns or a shared push.
4. Pick one idea to try at the next real turn-taking moment.

“Two children, one swing. What would be fair?”

You need: A line of string, tape or a clear floor space

1. Make a line with “agree” at one end and “disagree” at the other.
2. Read a small conundrum, such as “Is it fair to give the new child the first turn?”
3. Children stand somewhere along the line, and two or three share a reason.
4. Anyone may move if they hear something that changes their mind. Say, “Thank you for moving.”

“Where do you stand? What is your reason?”

You need: Paper and pencils

1. Write three stems on the board or on paper: “I see it differently because…”, “I agree with you about…, but…”, “Can you tell me more?”
2. Read a conundrum and let children practise the stems in pairs.
3. Swap partners and try another stem.
4. Ask, “Which one felt the kindest to hear?”

“I see it differently because… Can you tell me more?”

You need: Paper and pencils

1. Draw two boxes: “Happy secrets and surprises” and “Secrets that feel worrying.”
2. Read examples one at a time, such as a surprise gift, a hidden present, or a secret that makes your tummy feel funny.
3. Children say or point to which box each belongs in, and explain.
4. Finish by saying: if a secret makes you feel unsafe, tell a trusted grown-up. That is always okay.

“A surprise is happy and ends. A secret that worries you, you can tell a trusted grown-up.”

You need: Four signs on paper: strongly agree, agree, disagree, strongly disagree

1. Put one sign in each corner of the room.
2. Read a conundrum aloud. Children move to the corner that fits their view.
3. Each corner has one minute to share a reason. One person listens and says it back in their own words.
4. Anyone may move. Finish by asking, “What was the best reason you heard from another corner?”

“What was the best reason you heard from the other side?”

You need: Pairs, paper and pens

1. Give each pair a conundrum and two sides. Partners pick sides.
2. Each argues their side for two minutes, politely, with the other listening.
3. Swap sides and argue the opposite.
4. Together write one sentence that says what both sides care about.

“What do both sides care about?”

You need: Paper and pens

1. Write four values on separate pieces of paper: honesty, kindness, fairness, loyalty.
2. Read a conundrum. Each child puts the values in the order they would choose for this case.
3. Compare orders in small groups. Notice where they differ, and ask why.
4. Ask whether the order would change in a different situation.

“Which value comes first for you here? Would it change in another case?”

You need: A group, a timer and a conundrum

1. Read a conundrum aloud. Everyone has one minute to think in silence.
2. Go round the circle. Each person has up to one minute to share a view, without interruption.
3. Open the floor. Everyone must start by saying back something a previous speaker said.
4. Finish with one thing that moved you and one thing you still wonder.

“Before I add my view, let me say back what I heard.”

You need: Pairs, paper and pens

1. Choose a conundrum where you lean one way.
2. Write the strongest and kindest case for the other side, as if you believed it.
3. Read it to a partner, who tells you if it feels fair to their view.
4. Say what you still think and what you understand better.

“What is the strongest, kindest case for the view I do not hold?”

You need: Paper and pens, or a device if you like

1. Imagine a friend sends you a private message and another friend asks what it said.
2. Write three possible replies: one honest, one protective, one that finds a middle path.
3. Read each as the person who receives it, and note how it might feel.
4. Discuss which you would send and why, and when it would be wise to ask an adult you trust.

“How would each reply feel to the person who reads it?”